Experience healing together
Parents
Parents are critical to the fight against drug poisoning overdose deaths. Following is advice and resources for parents to help their children navigate safely through their teen and young adult years.
The effects of loss are intense and far-reaching. families suffer from the deep-seated pain, stress, and turmoil this causes.
“Nothing is worse, than people thinking that their loved one died in vain. If any good can come out of this tragedy, it’s preventing it from happening to other people,”
We did not know that teens and young adults with no history of substance abuse were dying inside their homes from accidental fentanyl overdoses. The drugs are manufactured by criminal networks most in Mexico using fentanyl from China, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration.
Most of the increases in fentanyl deaths over the last three years do not involve prescription fentanyl but are related to illicitly-made fentanyl that is being mixed with or sold without knowledge.
In its first public safety alert in six years, the DEA said fentanyl is “killing unsuspecting Americans at an unprecedented rate.” Though the number isn’t known, the deaths are a growing piece of the widespread fentanyl epidemic. District attorneys investigating the deaths say the use of social media apps like Snapchat makes it difficult to prove who the sellers were and that they knew the pills were potentially lethal.
Many people remain unaware of the dangers, though families of victims are trying to change that.
These cases are really hard to prosecute, Unless we can show that the dealer actually knew of the fatal properties of fentanyl and the dangerousness of it and then proceeded to continue to deal in reckless disregard of human life. And that is really hard to prove.
We’re screaming at the top of our lungs for people to listen to us and to warn kids, It may not affect. you, until you experience such loss. “Even if it saves one person, if it saves one mom from living this nightmare that we live every single day, then I’m OK.””
Seconds turns into minutes, minutes turns into hours, hours turn into days, days turns into weeks, weeks turns into months, months turns into years. Where has the time gone???
FREEZE FRAME, as in a dream trying to slow down, REWIND this story but my mind FAST FORWARDS.
Still holding on to your essence your smile, your laughter, your voice. Your free giving spirit.
My mind always racing as it completes memories of you in my head. My heart beats faster, longing to hold you instead. My eyes well up, tears steadily flowing like a fountain hitting the cold floor.
Deep breaths as the reality of your departure have me pressed down in a choke hold.
Not fair, I want you back, not fair you were still needed here, not fair all I can say as I lay here.
Blood shot eyes, heavy hurting heart, long lonely days and nights are my reality without you. How could this be?
Wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I say see you soon my Son.
Sleep sweetly in your eternal Rest with the Lord.
Always forever no matter what.
Loving you in this life and the next
Open Letter Of Love Comfort And Hope
To every person, every family, who has lost a child, I want you to know you are not alone. We are left with tears, questions. Anger and a deep wound that doesn’t seem to heal, no matter what. We are left to carry on every day, snapping back into our now reality from the moment our eyes open and before they're closed. The void is dark deep and endless. Our scars are permanent. The separation is lonely. That link in that bond we shared is now broken.
No words can comprehend this pain. I feel broken, as I am breathing my chest is constricted, my heart is racing and my temperature is elevated.
What do we do now? How do we move forward? Why us? Why our child? These questions will haunt us forever.
Only through the pain we are comforted by the Almighty. His grace and mercy. His promises of us being reunited some day is what I hold unto When the tears roll down my face I hold unto this promise.
No man knoweth the day or the hour of their departure. So, in closing I want to acknowledge the beautiful gift of a son, Jabari Noel Pelle whom our heavenly Father loaned to us for 28yrs . Son you were indeed a blessing, wonderfully made, a man of integrity, a friend to all. That warm gentle smile, and freely giving nature. Forever and Always No matter What. Always in our Hearts.
Love Mom Dad, and your forever sisters Danielle & Jaanai
Sleep sweetly in your eternal Rest with the Lord.
Always forever no matter what.
Loving you in this life and the next
HOW GRIEF FEELS
If you feel like you are losing your grip on reality, you might be a perfectly sane person enduring the confusion of grief.
Perhaps you suffer irrational fear, dread or even paranoia. You may feel empty or numb like you are in shock. Grief even causes some people to experience trembling, nausea, breathing difficulty, muscle weakness, loss of appetite or insomnia. Feelings of anger can also surface, even if there is nothing in particular to be angry about.
Almost everyone tortures themselves with guilt by asking what they did wrong, how they might have prevented the loss, or some other form of self-condemnation. In short, grief makes us feel like our emotions have gone haywire because, in many ways, they have. Over time, however, you will regain a measure of equilibrium.
WHY GRIEF HURTS
God gave us the gift of pain so that we can react when something goes wrong.
We limp when a leg bone is out of joint to protect us from further damage. In similar manner, losing an important person or going through a significant change can cause our entire system to react as it recognizes that something is wrong.
You might say that the confusing emotions and ache in the pit of your soul are part of grief’s “limp.” The more intimate the loss, the more severe your “limp” will be. The severity and length of your pain is a testimony to the value of the person lost or the importance of the situation that changed.
Regularly questions. Here are some of those questions and responses:
When will this pain end? The pain will begin to get softer, more manageable, come less often, stay less time when it does come, and not be as overwhelming. Major turning points in this regard are so individual that we cannot be more specific.
I heard that the second year is worse than the first. Is that true?It concerns me that others say this to those who are newly grieving. That only makes them think, “What? It’s going to be worse than this?” It robs them of all hope. So here it is: various things will change for you as the months move onward. One of those changes is that the reality and enormity of your child not continuing on with you in life may sink in more toward the end of the first year, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected. The awareness of your child’s death, combined with an entire year of experiences lived without your child, now moves with you into your second year. it is your heart and your brain coming into sync with each other. Even with such changes, most find their grief is less intense and more manageable in their second year.
Will I ever get over this? We don’t really “get over” losing a child, but we do learn to live with it. This doesn't just happen magically. It takes you being a partner in this process, the same as you would if you were dealing with a serious disease that you had to treat on a daily basis. As you go on in life, you create a new relationship with your child, incorporating him or her into your life in the way that works best for you. One thing we encourage you to do is to make sure you and those around you keep your relationship with your child alive and well. After all, your child is still an important part of your life and a member of your family. Death has the power to end your child’s physical life, but it can never, ever end your relationship. That is forever.
I’m afraid I will always feel the way I do now. You won’t. Please take our word as parents we are walking in your shoes. Again, it takes a commitment to your own, personal grief process—to your own wellbeing and health. Unfortunately, no one else can do this grief work for you or take it from you.
Will the joy, love, and happiness in life ever return? Yes. It will, and it does. Be patient with yourself, and let your grief express itself as it may. Allowing your free expression of grief will help lead to embracing life again.
How will I go on without my child? There isn’t a formula or cookie-cutter approach we can give you. You will do this by making that commitment we have talked about, being open to trying everything out there, and doing what works for you. Just know that you will find your way and that you don’t have to do it alone, for within the stories other parents share are many truths and pearls of wisdom that will help guide you along the way—common threads that bind us together.
GRIEF AT HOME
Grief is unpredictable. Navigating the ups and downs of loss can be challenging.
Connection activities can help when feeling isolated and alone in grief. These activities invite you to connect to yourself, others, and your special person who died. Expressing and talking about grief as a family is very important. It is equally important to find healthy ways of coping with grief as a family. Doing an activity together or just being in the car traveling somewhere can provide a safe way to talk about grief and learn about how it is affecting everyone.
Holding on to our special loved one in different ways—in our heart, mind, body, spirit, and behaviors! A vision board can help creatively plan or dream up ideas on why and how we want to hold on to our special loved ones who died. Create one together as a family and put it up in a common space as a reminder that you are connected and are still holding on…in different ways.
DEDICATION WALK
Throughout the year, holidays, anniversaries, and special occasions may remind us of a loved one who’s died. Regardless of our relationship with the person who died, we may experience grief waves. A Dedication Walk is an opportunity for family members to spend quality time together while connecting about their grief and remembering their special person. Go on a walk or bike ride together and notice what reminds you of your special person around you.
This can be a form of honoring the person who died and the life they lived. A Dedication Walk can become a tradition, a daily practice, or a weekly activity—a moment to connect with the special person and honor them.
Hope Activities
Generating hope can be a helpful way to cope with grief,
Collaborating as a family to create a calendar of coping skills and affirmations. Generating ideas, individually or together, about what made your special person unique.
Reflection Activities
Reflecting on the death of someone special can be hard.
Many say that the death of their special person has change them. Some of those changes felt hard and some of them may have felt good.
We will all continue to have experiences in our lives that change us. When we
look back at our life we will likely see that we have already had many
events or circumstances that have shaped us into the person we are today.
Think about those times in your life that have had a significant impact on you and reflect on exactly HOW they influenced the person you have become and are continuing to become.
Legacy Activities
Honoring the legacy of your special person and make a plan to put your idea into action!
Host a fundraiser of participate in a charity event to support a cause your special person cared about.
Start a new tradition or dedicate an annual event to their memory.
Perform random acts of kindness in honor of your special person.
Support Activities
Supports may or may not look different after a death. Sometimes new people or groups show up who were not there before. Other times, those who you knew would be there are consistent in showing up even when they aren’t sure how to help. It can be helpful to have concrete reminders of who is there for your family in your grief.
When you are having grief reactions, it is important to have someone safe to talk to or go to for support. Different people help us with different problems. It can be helpful to think about who is best to go to for each of your needs. You may find that the person who helps when you are sad or need a hug is not the same person you go to when you are angry or hurt.
Blue heart = when you are feeling sad
Green heart = when you are feeling hurt or upset
Orange heart = when you want to talk about your grief, special person, or ask questions about what happened
Yellow heart = when you need a laugh
Purple heart = when you want to play
Red heart = when you need a hug
Gray heart = when you are feeling worried or nervous
Black heart = when you are feeling angry
Remembering Activities
Remembering our special person can help us maintain a meaningful connection to them.
Mindfulness Activities
Mindfulness is a coping skill that can help us pay attention to the present
moment on purpose and can benefit both our physical and emotional
health. Mindfulness is practicing being in the here and now, noticing how you feel in the moment